​Video Script:

SCENE ONE:

Very white actors speaking directly to the camera

Actor 1:  I take responsibility

Actor 2:  I take responsibility

Actor 3:  I take responsibility

Actor 4:  I take responsibility

Actor 1:  For every time

Actor 3:  And for every instance

Actor 4:  That I ordered vanilla ice cream

Actor 2:  instead of chocolate

Actor 3:  Sometimes I had it with chocolate chips

Actor 1:  Occasionally I used sprinkles

Actor 4:  But I realize now

All Actors in unison:  That it wasn’t enough

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SCENE TWO:

In a fine restaurant. Three people are sitting at the table. Nancy Pelosi is in the center. Chuck Schumer is on her right and Jerry Nadler on her left. A waiter walks up to them.

Waiter:  Are you ready for dessert?

Chuck:  Nancy, you’re Speaker of the House. Why don’t you order for us?

Nancy:  Mr. Schumer, Mr. Nadler, and I would all like three large bowls of vanilla ice cream. And be sure to put some chocolate sauce on it. The press is here.

Jerry Nadler sits up and starts to speak.

Nancy:  Shut up, Jerry.

Jerry Nadler slinks back down.

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SCENE THREE:

Elizabeth Warren speaking directly to the camera

Warren:  Hi. I’m Elizabeth Warren. My favorite ice cream and my family’s favorite ice cream is the ice cream of our ancestors. Strawberry.

The camera lowers down to a large bowl of vanilla ice cream. The camera zooms in on the vanilla ice cream and reveals a small sliver of strawberry ice cream embedded in the vanilla.

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SCENE FOUR:

Standing at a table in a restaurant

Bill Clinton:  I’m Bill Clinton. Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry. I love them all. As long as there are two really bigs scoops.

He motions with both hands as if to fondle the ice cream

Bill Clinton:  And it’s fresh.

He grins with a gleam in his eye. There is a grumble off-screen to the left. He turns to his left.

Bill Clinton:  What is it now, Hillary?

The camera turns to Hillary Clinton who is sitting at the table pouting.

Hillary Clinton:  Donald Trump ate my ice cream.

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SCENE FIVE:

The camera opens on a podium with a large seal with the words, “Office of the Ex-President” on it. The camera zooms out and Donald Trump is giving a speech at the podium. There is a United State flag on one side behind him.

Donald Trump:  I know all about ice cream. Nobody knows more about ice cream than me. And I know what the best ice cream is. The best ice cream is orange sherbet.

The following words scroll slowly across the screen

“Factcheck: Sherbet is not ice cream!”

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SCENE SIX:

The camera opens on the cover of the book, Niccolo Machiavelli’s The Prince. The camera zooms out slightly and we see the hands of the person holding the book. The person is reading it. In front of the book on a table, there is a large bowl of vanilla ice cream with a steak knife embedded in it like the sword in the stone.

A cell phone rings. The person puts the book down.  We see it is Kamala Harris. She is (pause)sitting by herself in a restaurant and was reading The Prince. She answers the phone.

Kamala Harris:  President Harris.

She moves the phone away from her mouth and speaks to herself.

Soon.

She talks back into the phone correcting herself.

Vice President Harris.

The person on the phone says something and Kamala Harris gets extremely upset.

Kamala Harris:  What?! He got out again?!   (pause)  And he’s talking to whom?! (pause)

Well, who’s supposed to be watching him?  Where’s Jill?

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SCENE SEVEN:

Joe Biden, dressed in a suit and tie, is standing behind a podium. He is giving a press conference. He has just been asked a question.

Joe Biden:  C’mon man! That’s a difficult question. You know I’m not allowed to answer questions like that.

He mumbles something to himself.

Oh, wait. I have a memo on that.

He fumbles on the podium and picks up a Chinese fortune cookie.

Here it is.

He breaks open the cookie and reads the message.

Here is the answer:  It’s Donald Trump’s fault. Putin is evil. China is our friend.

A secret service agent walks up to Biden and whispers something in his ear.

Joe Biden:

What? Jill has a large bowl of ice cream for me? And I should come right away before it melts?

Biden steps away from the podium and begins to exit to the side with the secret service agent. He is wearing underwear, shoes and socks, but no pants. About halfway out of the room he speaks to the agent.

Joe Biden:

I hope it’s vanilla. I don’t like chocolate.

They continue to walk to the exit. Just before exiting Biden speaks to the agent again.

Joe Biden:

Who is Jill?

THE END